Monday, March 21, 2011

The thing that Dorothy drug up

Alternately titled: "Please, for the love of all that's good and decent, help us identify this thing so we can get our lives back. Please."

Disclaimer: I need to warn you that I'm fixing to post a totally heinous picture. Seriously, it's gross. If nasty dead things turn your stomach, come back later this week and I'll post about rainbows and sunshine and babies and happiness. If you decide to never come back after reading this, I completely understand. In fact, take me with you!

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My parents have a dog named Dorothy.

(She's an exceedingly modest girl. Can't ya tell?)

There she is. She can often be found in this exact position; she's a sucker for a good belly rub. And that guy right there, my dad, is her favorite human on the planet. In the whole universe!

I almost can't find the words to pinpoint Dorothy's personality. This girl isn't afraid to wave her freak flag really, really high. She's a lovable, friendly, good-natured, march-to-her-own-drum...weirdo. I wish she could talk to us; I can only imagine the stories she could tell.

She an outside girl and loves nothing more than to hang out with the cows in the pasture across the road. She fills her days "herding" the geese who make their home on the pond.

All this roaming around makes a girl tired, and if she's not out making her rounds, you'll find her napping in the sun on the back porch.



Dorothy has one teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy personality flaw.

The girl really, really likes dead things. Like, really. Really, really, really. The deader, the better.

This personality flaw has resulted in a strictly-enforced "no touch" policy with yours truly. Dorothy and I love each other from a distance.

Seeing Dorothy's "treasure of the day" laying out in the back yard is commonplace. I'll spare you the details about some of the critters she's brought home in the past...you're welcome.

She drug something up last week and my parents were so horrified and confused, they had to take pictures. This is your last chance to back out...it's gross. It's a disembodied appendage. And it's gross. Real gross. I'm telling you!

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What. The heck. Is. This?

Dorothy ain't talkin'.

More importantly, are there more of these...things? Where is their tribe living???

Nobody can figure out what animal this came from. We live in Alabama, and we can't figure out what kind of native animal has a leg like this. Next Door Neighbor Norm nonchalantly chimed in, "Well clearly, she's gotten after a monkey." Clearly.

Here are some guesses:
A) a chupacabra
B) a baby Bigfoot
C) an Alabama monkey (you know, the only one in existence)

Your guess? I don't have enough information to make a guess yet. I don't like any of the aformentioned choices, seeing as how they're all make-believe animals. Anybody in blogland have any ideas? Please help settle this; we're losing sleep. And our minds.

Oh, and the leg is no longer chillin' in the back yard. It's been disposed of. By Dorothy.

Thanks for loving me through (and despite) this.

I'll understand if you just can't.

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(If you want more...and don't we all!...my dad posted them at http://dennisjweb.com/dorothy.html.)

15 comments:

  1. I got it!

    Dorothy caught that monkey from outbreak. Be careful, you get a fever you better head to the hospital ASAP.

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  2. That made me laugh out loud! What the HECK is that?! My dogs do the same thing! Grosses me OOUUUUTTTTTT!!!!!

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  3. Oh my goodness, J...I have to agree with Ashley--that post made me laugh out loud! That may be one of the most interesting, strange things I've ever seen! While I'm away at school, I can't have any pets at my apartment...but even when I'm at home, I only have one very, very prissy, spoiled, indoor Himalayan cat named Max. Needless to say, he doesn't drag a whole lot of weird leg remnants around the house... ha!

    OK now I also have to thank you for your incredibly sweet comments on my blog--I love reading them sooooooo much! I literally smile the entire time I'm reading through them...which may make me sound nerdy, but that's alright, haha. In fact, I was so excited about the precious comments that had come in lately, that I decided to read them all to my cowboy boyfriend tonight as we chatted on the phone. Speaking of which, we were both so touched by your comment about how reading the story of how we met gave you new hope. Last year at this time, I wanted nothing more than to meet the kind of guy that I've now fallen head-over-heels in love with. However, I was a bit skeptical and NEVER would have imagined that I would be sitting here today sharing my little love story. Always, ALWAYS keep the hope alive, because these things really do happen when you least expect it =D

    Well, girl, I'm going to go do some reading through your precious blog. I absolutely love it and am so happy that we're now connected as blog buddies!

    Talk to you soon, and thanks again!

    The Chic College Cowgirl

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  4. You are so funny! I think Dorothy and our Bella could be fast friends. We don't let Bella hang out in the great outdoors precisly for the reason your blog about. There is no telling what these two girls could dig up!!
    Keep the stories coming...I look forward to what you have to say!
    :)
    ~a

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  5. Eww! My first thought was a dog foot, but those toes seem just a tad long to be from a dog. Hmm...the mystery continues. I'm just glad that my 2 St. Bernards haven't acquired a taste for dead thing. Lord, please let it continue!

    ~Joanna Elaine

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  6. Whew! I'm so glad I didn't scare yall away :) When I first saw it I was repulsed (because it is, after all, a decaying leg...gag) but then I was intrigued. It's driving me crazy that I can't figure it out!

    Joanna Elaine, I also thought it belonged to a dog at first glance but I agree...the toes (and foot itself) are just too long. I'll make sure Dorothy doesn't get in touch with your dogs and let them know what they're missing :)

    Val, you're so funny!! That's exactly why Dorothy and I have that strict "no touch" policy...you just never know :)

    *Julie

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  7. Darcy, your sweet comment made ME smile :) I'm so glad to have found your blog, too and made a new blog buddy. I look forward to more posts about your fabulous life soon!

    *Julie

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  8. That is the nastiest thing ever! I have no idea what it is but it looks like something Cooper would dig up in our backyard so now I am nervous!! Let me know when you figure out what it is!!

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  9. Rachel, I'll make sure that Dorothy doesn't pass any of her scavenging tips on to Cooper. A girl should just keep some things to herself :)

    No luck yet figuring out what sort of creature is lurking around the ol' homestead. Maybe we should call "Monster Quest"!

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  10. Julie-
    You might think I'm crazy (if you don't already) but I have to tell you about my dream last night...

    So I watched Man vs. Wild before going to bed last night - bad idea - Bear Grylls killed a large snake and ate it for dinner.

    My dream: I was looking at houses with my aunt, but every time we would walk outside, there would be snakes everywhere. You had to watch every step or you might step on a snake. So I was watching the ground as I was walking to make sure I didn't get attacked, then I saw it. It was the claw. Yes, the same claw that Dorothy dug up. But this claw was still attached to the animal (haha) so I walked over to it to see what it was. It was a dog type animal with the head of a very friendly Hispanic man. No lie. He told me these creatures, and himself, were from Mexico and had traveled into the US.

    So there you have it. I just thought you might like to know what this strange leg belonged to. Haha.

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  11. Adrienne, reading about your dream absolutely made my life complete. I'm glad to know that the dog with the Hispanic-man-head was very courteous, and I'm glad to finally know what it is that Dorothy drug up. Thanks for clearing that up for me! I can rest easy tonight :)

    *Julie

    PS---Do you think Bear Grylls has a screw loose? He's very entertaining but he's very often OVERLY enthusiastic about living in the wild (and all that entails). Your thoughts?

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  12. I haven't read through all the other comments to see what the guesses are but my husband says it looks like it could be a beaver's foot.

    Dorothy and her freak flag made me lol.

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  13. Sarah Barry, I hadn't considered a beaver! Never seen one around those parts, but that makes more sense than any of the other suggestions :)

    I wish you could watch Dorothy wave her freak flag around. It's truly something to see!

    Thanks for reading and commenting!

    *Julie

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  14. Oh my gracious! My dogs do this. all. the. time. Armadillos, Opossums, cat heads, deer legs, um... baby cow hide (they don't kill them I promise! they just end up getting the left overs of the sick babies that die naturally): the list goes on. and on.

    I would guess that this is a dog leg :(
    sad!

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